I'll get off my high horse now... No, I won't, actually. But they turned a heartwarming adaptation of Cinderella and completely eradicated all resemblance to the book. Boo them.
My idea of how the script-writing went:
Head Screenwriter: All right, guys. We need to get down to business. That's why I brought this 12-pack of Bud Light!
Cheers go around the round table.
Minion Screenwriters: Yaaayyy!
Two hours later...
Head
Minion Screenwriter: You mean Ella, thir?
Much giggling ensues
Head
Minion Screenwriters: Brilliant! Huzzah! Triumph!
THE END
And that is the tale of how the horror of Ella Enchanted, the feature film, came to be. Maybe one day Peter Jackson will direct a faithful adaptation. After filming The Hobbit, of course.
How that screenplay brainstorm would go:
Peter Jackson: I want this done right. No matter the time and energy it takes, the people deserve a faithful adaptation of this beloved children's novel, brimming with rich themes, lovable characters, and a thrilling and compelling plot.
Head Screenwriter: Yes, sir! You can count on us, sir!
Assistant Screenwriters salute. Everyone working on a Peter Jackson film is too respectable to be a minion.
Assistant Screenwriter: I think we should make it more relatable (screw you spell check that's a word!) to kids nowadays. This quiet disobedience Ella has going on might be too subtle for the Red Bull generation to pick up on. I was thinking-
Head Screenwriter decapitates this jerk-off Assistant Screenwriter with a katana he pulls from his coat. After the Assistant Screenwriter's head stops rolling, the Head
Head
Assistant Screenwriters sagely shake their heads.
THE END
I gotta give it to them, though. I love me some Queen and that was a nice rendition of "Somebody to Love". And Hugh Dancy is awesome. Other than that- NO redeeming value!
If I hadn't already done Accountant of the Week, I would make Tommy O'Haver and Laurie Craig and everyone else who worked on Ella Enchanted Accountants of All Time. For shame.
I now realize this post wasn't very funny. Here's a joke:
Q: Why was Helen Keller a bad driver?
A: Because she's a woman!
You weren't expecting that, were you? That's why it's funny. Now this post was funny and therefore worthwhile. You're welcome.
PS- Wow. I'm being really productive with this here blog thingy. Now if only there were people to read it...
I'm torn. I agree with you completely about the crap adaptation, but I loved Cary Elwes, as I always do. Perhaps there's a middle ground...
ReplyDeleteCary Elwes is great, of course, but he could not lift Ella Enchanted out of its awfulness, at least not for me. I have a couple of friends who absolutely adore it, but haven't read the book. I honestly can't understand how it could be interpreted as a good movie ever, but I am willing to concede my bias may be interfering a tad :)
ReplyDeleteHe was on the radio the other morning! Elwes I mean. He was talking about the new Saw movie, which apparently he's in, I don't really go in much for gore. ALTHOUGH someone did have the presence of mind to call in and ask a few Princess Bride questions, which made my day. Okay, I'm done being a silly fangirl...
ReplyDeleteBAHAHAHA! GUESS WHO! I think the whole thing is funny, but really, I'm crying right now after reading that Helen Keller joke. HILARIOUS. I'm pretty sure you've told me that one before, but you know how I forget/ selectively listen. You and your hatred of Ella Enchanted. I'm just saying, if you don't read, the movie adaptation can NEVER be ruined. My philosophy. But hey, I can only lead you to water- I can't make you drink it! Okay, I'm going to read the other posts now and hope no one realizes this anonymous user comments on everything like a stalker... :)
ReplyDelete